I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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