I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
