we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
