Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
