it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
