The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
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