i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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