Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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