I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
