Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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