I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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