Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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