6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
