Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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