I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
