The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
