We're facebook friends in real life
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This girl is more easily done than said...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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