broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
