Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
