Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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