Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
