Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
