well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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