Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
foreskin is a definite game changer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
