Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize