i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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