i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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