So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
