I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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