morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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