My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
