Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
