I think I died a long time ago.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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