A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
