Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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