last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
