she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize