Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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