He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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