Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
