Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize