It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
