do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
