But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did I show you my penis last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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