im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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