Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
