I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
