so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
