just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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