Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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