I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
