While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
