i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
