just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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