I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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