Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
