good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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