so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
