hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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