Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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