mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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