I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
try to milk me bitch
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