My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
