I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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