I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
