he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
