I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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