All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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