I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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