i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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