so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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