We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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