Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
