Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
