Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I want is dick and wine.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
