If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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